19 Days In

Today is June 29, 2009. Yesterday would have been my parents' 24th Wedding Anniversary. I blame much of how I feel about marriage now on the breakup of my parents marriage. They were always in love- they still separately refer to me as their "love child". With expectations like that, and to grow up in such a loving home and want to replicate that when I'm married... well, it's just harder now that they're divorced.

So I mentioned in my last post that I met someone that I would like to get to know better. A and I hung out for the brief couple of days when I returned from New Orleans. We had a conversation on Saturday that left me a bit unnerved. If you know me personally, you know that I'm a workaholic. Working 2 jobs, usually a full time school schedule and volunteer work leaves me little time to do what I want. But I enjoy the energy and the responsibility (most days).

The problem is that due to a large settlement that he received about 10 years ago, A does not have to work. In fact, he has no desire at all to work. I ask him what he wants to do with his life; he says he's "figuring it out". I ask him what he does with his day. He says, "stuff". He lives in a really nice house, he pays for everything, and he's crazy about me. He's incredibly intelligent and sweet as pie. Should it matter that he has no ambition in life??

I really like A, but it doesn't seem like he's going anywhere- on top of that, he has a serious medical problem that would probably go away if he didn't drink or smoke. Yet, he does both of these on a regular (probably daily) basis.

The old Laylan would probably date someone like A because it's better than being alone. But now, I'm okay with being alone. I want to be with someone that shares some of the same qualities and values that I do- like work ethic.

What do you think? Should I just go by how he treats me and makes me feel- or should it truly bother me that I work very hard for everything I have and he doesnt even seem to want to do anything on a daily basis?!